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“Well I’ve had to write down what I think some symptoms are. It’s very difficult to know really what I’m supposed to be feeling – or not. I’ve had to ask other people, and try to extrapolate what it is about me they might think was wrong if it suddenly appeared in them”

“That’s ok”

“It’s a long list…”

Somchai to Stypticum

“There is little memory for emotions, none really. I can sometimes remember ‘that’ I felt but can’t recall it. If I was angry and noticed at the time, then I might remember that. But ask me to recall the feeling? No. Not possible. Remembering feelings requires the capacity to imagine them and that doesn’t happen either.”

Somchai to Styptica

“At pauses in conversation my mind can indeed wander. Shapes, geometry, pattern, light – these sorts of things I notice. Might as well have been talking to the dog for all the impact the the conversation is capable of leaving.”

Yargo to the Yark

“But then it’s s dreadful having to invent answers all the time, to questions like: ‘what are you thinking?’, or ‘how do you feel?’, or ‘what do you feel about such & such?’ There might be real answers in there somewhere but digging them out is a mystery. And, why would anyone else want them anyway?”

Yargo to ConSaught

“Do you talk much?”

“There is only so much agony I can take!”

– laugh –

“It’s that time thing again, and I’ve had this confirmed by some other aspergers too.”

“That time sense you mentioned?”

“It works its way into everything. Conversations for me are rarely local. They take place over time. The statements someone produces, I know they have to match those they’ve made before, else they just look a bit silly. It’s really easy for me, but they don’t seem to have any understanding of it. Because it so easy to contradict yourself, it is easier not to say anything much at all.”

“But don’t you worry that people may think you have nothing to say?”

“I said ‘easier’, not ‘useful’ .Besides, there are 1001 ways of passing information without speaking and most of them are better. But, given what I’ve said about most people’s ability to maintain dialogue over time, they are not usually saying anything much at all.”

Somchai to Stypticum

From below, a burning light in all its faltering beauty arcs away to a dark and magnificent horizon. From the fury of the perceived, to the dead-weight burden of translated form, it fragments and fades to a barely recognized ghost. This clash of modes scatters the sparks and broken pieces of significance in a multitude of colours and sounds. The frustration is manifest, the despair, it grows.

Pass this by lest you question what you are…

Arkay InLine